College Football Months, Ranked
College football season is not long enough, because yadda yadda amateur athletes, and something something concussions. This means that while the sport, in season, is the best sport on the planet, there is a TON of dead air surrounding it. A player arrested for failure to yield while on a bicycle qualifies as news in college football in June.
If the NFL gets one thing right, its staying in the news cycle. They somehow make minicamps and a SECOND round of free agency news, and draft hype carries them four months. Unfortunately, the NFL Draft makes May more compelling for college football. That is the level of dead space we have to conquer.
SPOILER ALERT: This is being written in March, a month in which there is nothing to write about, further explaining our conspicuous absence on the DudeYouPodcast and this website.
- October. If you think November is better, I won’t fight you about it. October, though, gives me all of the football feels. Great weather, perfect tailgating, awesome rivalry games, and every team still has some semblance of something to play for.
- November. Like October, but with slightly better rivalry games, slightly worse weather, and a lot more dead weight in games that have no significance on conference or playoff standings. College football writer/savant Bill Connelly disagrees with me, and you probably will too after reading this.
- September. Hope. Sundresses. Tailgating. Pretty sweet neutral-site matchups on Labor Day Weekend. And the novelty of college football. If I were to rank the 52 weeks of the sport, opening week would probably be #1.
- January*. Important bowl games. The caveat here is the playoff returning to January 1 as opposed to New Year’s Eve. January’s intrigue doesn’t last very long on the field, but you get weird recruiting stuff leading up to Signing Day, if you’re into that, after.
- December. Conference championships and a personal favorite, getting sneaky whiskey buzzed and watching meaningless bowl games with friends and family. Cheers to you and rest in peace, San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl.
- April. Hey, spring football games are ABSOLUTELY meaningless. But they’re still worthwhile so people like me can pretend to know who’s going to break through in the subsequent season. The little taste of football is just enough to not drive one mad.
- February. Signing Day. If you’re into that. Gives us something to talk about for a couple of weeks, at least.
- June. Phil Steele’s magazine comes back, and if you can’t bridge July to training camp with Phil Steele, you’re doing it wrong.
- August. Training camp. This is actually the worst month because the only thing that ever really happens is your key receiver goes down and you stress over how the offense will cope.
- May. NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS IN MAY. Best case, your school only ends up with 1-2 academic casualties, and if you’re living right none are on the two-deep.
- July. NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS IN JULY. Someone will be arrested on Independence Day, and that will suck. July has the most helium of all of the months, because if God graced us with a return of the NCAA Football video game series, it would drop in this month. July’s ranking, up through 2013? Probably #6.
- March. Sweet God, there is nothing to talk about. Bye.