100 Days: Gus Malzahn Is Going to Get Canned This Year, And Its Not His Fault


Okay, writing these every day in the content deadzone that is June is so hard. Life happens, y’all. Bear with me, we can definitely do 50 if I don’t catch a rhythm.

I have a confession: I really enjoy watching Auburn football under Gus Malzahn. Not even for schadenfreude, as they haven’t been that bad…I just really love their offense when its clicking.

Here’s the problem: it did not click last year. Now-departed-again DC Will Muschamp didn’t make a defense that equaled the sum of its parts. And with Auburn being Auburn, wunderkind Gus Malzahn finds himself squarely on the preemptive hotseat.

A preemptive hotseat, you ask? Well, consider the following:

  • He set the bar WAY too high in both of his Auburn tenures. Cam Newton destroying shit when you’re offensive coordinator is the boon of all boons. (In the boons, no less.) DB-turned-QB Nick Marshall was a little more surprising, but a 4.4 speed QB in a spread option tends to cause problems.
  • He couldn’t have set the bar without throwing the cosmic karma of the universe out of alignment in November of 2013. The $#&*(^%*#$ing ‘Prayer at Jordan-Hare’ and the ‘Kick Six’ happened in the span of 15 days on a calendar. As Shutdown Fullcast put it, “Auburn took out the most subprime mortgage on luck and its come to roost.” That doesn’t even account for the LaQuon Treadwell goal line broken leg the next year.

You set the bar too high, and 8-5 ain’t gonna get it done. ESPECIALLY on the Plains. ESPECIALLY!!! when Alabama is still cranking out nattys.

(Pssssstttt. 8-5 ain’t gonna happen this year. Here’s why)

2016 schedule

My friends, THAT is grotesque.

On one hand, they open with five straight home games! BUUUUUTTTTTT Clemson and LSU are sure losses. Texas A&M is a toss-up. And would it really shock you if Arkansas State pulled an upset? It wouldn’t shock me coming off a 44-17 week 1 drubbing.

The rest of October? Who knows what Mississippi State is going to be, but they’ve not been an easy out for quite some time. And it’ll be (insert QB here)’s first road game. Then, Arkansas. Burly, fun Arkansas. And a trip to Ole Miss.

Is Gus gone if they’re 2-6 (0-5)? Almost certainly. 4-4 (2-3), which seems likely at best? That’s where it gets tricky. And more fun.

I’ll give them Vandy and Alabama A&M in November. Maybe Jacob Eason isn’t Jesus and they spring an upset in Athens. They’re still not beating Alabama.

Does 7-5 with a loss to Alabama save Gus’ job? And better yet, isn’t it pretty easy to squint and see 4-8 as a more likely outcome?

Yeah. This is gonna be fun.

About Chadwick

Enjoyer of adventure, would support a Trump policy that requires a minimum IQ to tweet. @Chad_Floyd for fun, @ChadFloydKW for real estate.

Posted on June 16, 2016, in Blog. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. You=stupid. Your insight, obvious bias is uneducated, bitter, and ultimately your logic is poor. I have met people with an IQ under 100 who made more valid points than you. Make sure your drool does not get on the keyboard..water damage 😉

    • Thanks for reading! Would you, esteemed Auburn fan, want Gus back at 7-5?

      There’s no bias, that’s just a helluva schedule.

      And…do you ask people their IQ’s?

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