2016: Return of the NFL Draft Live Blog


Welcome to my favorite time of year, the NFL Draft. Now, when I say time of year, I mean the actual draft; not the needlessly extended by two weeks run up TO the Draft. That’s unbearable. On my old site, I ran these live blogs for the 2007 and 2008 drafts, and they were always well received, so we started running it back for the Dude You Crazy audience in 2014. Last year, I was driving all my worldly possessions from the hellscape that is Philadelphia back to Atlanta so there was no live blog, but never again. Come hell or high water, I will be here to get progressively drunker through the night, to mock the last man in the green room, and to revel in another case for SEC dominance.

7:30: Thirty minutes before this whole thing kicks off, and THIS is the prevailing news story so far? Yeah, gonna be a weird night. I’m not going to post the picture here cause I don’t want to, but if this is what the kids are doing these days I’m glad I’m finally an old person.

8:00: Welcome to the NFL Draft! A year where bad teams have convinced themselves that bad quarterbacks are going to be good for their franchise. How convinced? They mortgaged their futures for them. Yeah. Look for a lot more trades and talking heads convincing you that these quarterbacks deserve to go 1-2.

8:05: Funny story: the Draft is in Chicago because a few years ago, they FORGOT to book Radio City, and the dates got taken. It pushed everything back a week, and was a pretty public embarrassment for the league office. Radio City tried to strong arm them (allegedly) and hence you get traveling draft. Look for it to move permanently in LA over the next 5 years.

8:06: Chicago didn’t boo Goodell. Missed opportunity.

8:10:Remember when the Titans rebuilt their entire team in one draft because the Rams HAD TO HAVE Jarad freaking Goff? “He sure got hit a lot!” – Mel Kiper, right now.

8:16: How do teams take so long? You’ve known what you were going to do for months. This isn’t Shakspeare, it’s a job fair. At least the walk up music list leaked, and the amount of Drake makes me weep for our youth. Nkemdiche, I see you with that Bowie.

8:22: Look at these trades. LOOK AT THEM. It’s like Philly and St. Louis LA were having a stupid move off. Meanwhile, you just KNOW that Jerry Jones is DYING to do something dumb as hell.

8:26: Remember, Philly is the same organization that JUST hired Doug Pederson as their head coach. The same Doug Pederson who was the OC in Arizona Kansas City (whiskey edit!) last year, except they didn’t let him call the plays. That level of institutional ineptitude explains the trade and this pick.

8:30: Welcome to the stupid-off San Diego! I concur with NFL alumni and best pre-draft breakdown man in the game, Stephen White; we’ve seen the best of Joey Bosa, and it’s not good enough to be dominant on Sundays.

8:33: I forgot how much I hate Berman’s voice. Curse past Dpalm for cancelling NFL Network after the season.

8:39: Elliot went in the first round in 2016. So, you’re telling me that they think he’s on par with oh, Todd Gurley? Okay buddy. This ISN’T the stupid thing I thought Jerry would do, but he didn’t have true breakaway speed in the Big 10. THE BIG TEN.

8:42: Maybe Gruden will punch Mel. Maybe. And listening to these talking heads lie about hope for bad teams is adorable.

8:47: Good for Jalen Ramsey. Big corner who could be a safety, and fits the run the way you draw it up. He and Fowler could be big for Jacksonville, and in that division, a good young defense might get it done.

8:50: Dude Emeritus asking the tough questions.

8:53: REEEEEEEEEEEACH for Stanley here. Did TheDude’s tweet sink Tunsil’s prospects? His stepfather snitching on him the NCAA and this lawsuit is REAL dirty pool.

8:58: Allow me to clarify these talking heads: they don’t care about the drugs, they care about not getting caught. And ZERO players popped for drugs at the combine. But, a twitter photo right before the Draft doesn’t tell me you can avoid getting caught.

9:01: Buckner with the smartest move of the night so far; staying at home for the Draft. But y’all notice that Chip’s first draft pick in SF is a former player of his right?

9:06: I need a camera in Jim Irsay’s drug den as he realizes that the Titans just took the pole position in the division. Great pick, competent use of trades. Who kidnapped the Titans front office?

9:13: WELP.

9:15: Wait, what? Really? Good for Floyd, damn good Dawg. I hope that the use at multiple positions in that defense masked how really good he can be when he’s not asked to do literally EVERYTHING on a defense.

9:20: I don’t know if I say it enough, but Stephen White’s pre-draft breakdowns are AWESOME every year. Imma go pour another whiskey. Here’s White on Floyd.

9:24: BUT CAN HE COOK? Looks like the Hawks aren’t embarrassing themselves on the road yet tonight. What? I’m versatile.

9:30: Great pick by the Bucs. The Hargreaves thing, not taking Dirk Koetter and Mike Smith and putting them in charge. That was a terrible decision.

9:38: Two DEs coming off the board before Nkemdiche is the definition of overthinking.

9:45: Good for Tunsil.

9:52: I didn’t love the Raiders pick, but hey things are trending the right way now. Big shoes to fill with the Woodson retirement.

9:55: Browns on the clock. What could POSSIBLY go wrong?

10:00: LET COLEMAN ROOM WITH JOSH GORDON!!!!

10:07: Glad the Falcons got better on defense, Myles Jack was my hope, but this is a safer pick.

10:15: Hmmm….

10:20: Chip drafted a kid who played for him. Rex drafted a kid who played with his son. Nkemdiche still chilling. Sigh.

10:26: WHOLE lotta future underwhelming rookies in all these Buckeyes. I count 4 out of 5 drafted too high so far…

10:32: Texans move up for a WR from Notre Dame who doesn’t have the best hands?

10:40: If only Doctson had a quarterback in Washington to get him the ball…

10:44: HAWKS WIN!!! BRING ME LEBRON!!! IRRATIONAL CONFIDENCE ENGAGED!!! Ahem. Sorry about that. Great pick by the Vikings; I’m willing to admit I was wrong about Bridgewater, and it’s only fair he gets some help.

10:54: The number of players who did the smart thing and stayed home is really refreshing. A whole lotta folks gotta feel awkward in that green room.

11:01: When Connor Cook is allegedly the best quarterback left after only TWO have been taken, you know the position was thin as hell.

11:05: A Memphis player went in the first round of the NFL Draft. #Welcometo2016

11:18: …Guys, is Chip Kelly okay?

11:25: You idiots let Nkemdiche fall to a REALLY good team? Way to go, the stupid off winner was Arizona, for not being stupid.

11:34: Only one pick left, and SO MANY PEOPLE left in that green room. Listen to me now, believe me later on: STAY AT HOME FOR THE DRAFT. How many of you brought a second suit for tomorrow, huh?

11:40:And we’re done. If you’ve been following on Twitter, you may have noticed Andrew Hall’s satire tweet going viral. And it’s come to this. Other accounts verifying the falsehood of our obviously trolly joke. I love sports media. See you next year.

Love this? Hate it? Think I’m an idiot? Don’t just curse at me unde>r your breath, head to the Dude You Podcast iTunes page, and leave a 5-star review to make sure I know it, and have your voice heard on the air. Follow me at @dpalm66.

Posted on April 28, 2016, in Blog. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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