How Kirby Smart Wins Over Bulldog Nation on Day 1

We’ve obtained a copy of Coach Kirby Smart’s opening remarks for his introductory press conference.

Well, first of all I want to thank the Lord for not only the opportunity to coach at the University of Georgia but also for the opportunity to serve the community of Athens. As many of you know this is home for me; it always has been. I grew up in a little town called Bainbridge that’s nowhere near here really, but this has always been home. I grew up in a small town and have never been much for city life except for that short stint in Miami and a few years in Valdosta. My dad coached high school football and before I learned the Georgia Way I was brought up in the Bainbridge High School Way. Some may say I’m from the Nick Saban coaching tree but I’d say I’m more rooted in the Sonny Smart coaching tree because family has always been the most important thing for me. Also winning is the most important thing. And my faith. And also dust-less rings.

But this is really something of a homecoming for me. People tend to forget that I was 1-0 in SEC Championship Games as a Bulldog assistant coach. In fact, you’d have to go back to the beginning of time to find a time in which I was a full member of the Bulldog coaching staff and Georgia didn’t win the conference. And the truth is—and truth has always been the most important thing for me—even if you went back to the Garden of Eden in the book of Genesis, you couldn’t find the following things concurrently:

  1. Me on staff as coach at Georgia and
  2. Georgia doing anything other than winning the SEC.

So I know a thing or two about winning. As a grad assistant – a remedial task I did for one year at Georgia in 1999 and two years at Florida State in 2002 and 2003 – I won 69% of my football games. As a position coach – which I did for one year at Valdosta State, one year at LSU, one year at Georgia and one year at Alabama – I won 71% of my games. As a defensive coordinator, something I did for a year at Valdosta State and for the last eight seasons at Alabama, I have won 90 percent of my games. Are you seeing the pattern? The higher up I go, the better I am. Well, I wise man once said that coaching football is about the people not the rings and that rings will collect dust. With me, you have found the right people and this people isn’t going to allow dust on jewelry because I don’t believe in jewelry. Modesty has always been the most important thing for me.

Beyond winning, there’s another pattern you should know about.  Every time my team wins a football game, I adopt a child. I started this tradition at Alabama. After yesterday’s win, I adopted my 105th child. You haven’t heard about this until now because I’m too humble to discuss it. But it’s very important to me.

With that in mind, I’d like to thank Coach Richt for the talent he has left me. I anxiously look forward to working with Brice Ramsey. I truly believe that he can be one of the best punters in the nation under the tutelage of me and my full-time special teams coach, Andrew Hall of I’d also like to congratulate Coach Richt on his new job and his very small fleet of adoptees. And I would be remiss if I failed to congratulate Coach Richt on his modest success in Athens. Truly, it will be hard to win Georgia’s first conference title in ten years but I welcome that challenge. Having just won the SEC yesterday I understand that such privileges do not occur every year. For example, I did not win it the SEC in 2011. I only one the BCS National Championship that year.

But back to the job at hand. I’d like to express my appreciation for Athletic Director McGarity and his staff but at this moment I think it would be unfair to simply say thank you. I would also like to express my sincere displeasure with his dismissal of Mark Richt. We, Bulldog Nation, are not happy. But some of us are, and in fairness to all involved I would like to say that I look forward to reuniting Bulldog fans around the world.

We will get through this together. We will grieve. We will win. We will adopt babies. We will drive Ford trucks. We will be at church every Sunday morning unless we are visiting a high school quarterback on the other side of the country. That’s the Georgia Way.

Also we will retain Jeremy Pruitt and beat the ever-living feces out of anyone who so much as looks at us the wrong way – on or off the field.

Thanks and Go Dawgs. God Bless.


I think everyone is going to like this guy. Home run hire.

About dudeyoucrazy

College Football Writer

Posted on December 6, 2015, in Blog. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Truth is the heart of comedy. But he’s gonna have to show me. And I’m not even from Missouri.

  2. Home Run hire?, I’m with Bill, he needs to show me

  3. This would be funny. If it were funny. Idiot.

  4. With him and Pruitt as his DC (which he said he retained) I can’t believe our Defense will be beaten by most Offenses and scoring against UGA will be difficult. Our D was great in 2015 and with the new class of 2016, it should remain one of the top teams in America. If Eason comes and I believe he will, the Offense will score and life will be good in Athens. Got to believe in the G and get the best recruits in American Committing to the G. Think positive and GO DAWGS

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