NFL Football: No Preamble + Week 4 Picks


I don’t have it in me for a ranty start to this week’s picks. I usually write this after the UGA game, but whiskey had other ideas, and I’m still emotionally compromised. Don’t worry, you won’t be hearing sad DPalm on tomorrow’s DudeYouPodcast, and for good reason:

Home teams in bold.

Steelers (+3) over Ravens

Follow me on twitter for your DYC Thursday Night Pick every week.

THIS is from last week, when the Ravens lost to the Bengals, but from it you should learn three things: 1. Steve Smith is retiring because he wants to, not because of anything anyone else has done. 2. The undersized professional athlete remains the person you want these problems with least in the world. 3. You CAN sustain a career based solely on hate.

Jets (-2.5) over Dolphins

Yeah, after the events of yesterday, there was no way I was going to get up in time to pick this game early. That said, this is where I annually remind England that us sending sub-par football across the pond is our extended FU for taxation without representation, and play Real American real loud. But, Hulk Hogan ruined that for all of us, and this tweet captures the actuality of the export game better than I could.

#PrayForJoePhilbin

Colts (-3.5)  over Jaguars

Yeah, the Colts beat the hell out of the AFC South with Curtis Painter under center, so Hasselbeck should be fine. Remember Curtis Painter? That was a weird year.

Bills (-6) over Giants

I’ll regret this pick. I already know it.

Panthers (-3) over Buccaneers

Look to your left. Now look to your right. Congratulations, the three of you are more talented than the receiving corps on Carolina. And they’re STILL gonna run Tampa Bay out of their own building. Cam’s performance so far has been the most impressive thing to me this young NFL season.

Eagles (-3) over Washington Professional Football Team

I’m not sure how much I believe in Chip Kelly, beause even in the win last week, the offense remained underwhelming. But I know I believe in Kirk Cousins less.

Raiders (-3) over Bears

John Fox can’t win for losing. He got run out of Carolina for losing with Jimmy Clausen under center, endured a year of Tebow only to be rewarded with Peyton Manning, and made his way to coach Chicago, with the aim to rescue Jay Culter’s career. Now Cutler went down, who’s under center? JIMMY. BLEEPING. CLAUSEN.

#PrayForJohnFox

(I do not care that Cutler is playing today, I’ve had that joke in my head for a week. Chicago is still going to lose, and the joke was fun and funny.)

Falcons (-5) over Texans

BRING IT ON YOU TRY HARD WANNA BE! You can hear more of my completely rational JJ Watt hate HERE.

You can’t be 16-0 without being 4-0.

Bengals (-3.5) over Chiefs

Can we all agree that Kansas City and Detroit don’t need to be on prime time anymore this year? Excellent.

Browns (+6) over Chargers

*whispers* I think Phillip Rivers might be done. Don’t tell anyone.

Green Bay (-9) over Niners

Remember when these two teams were evenly matched, but Kaep would go nuts and end up blowing out Green Bay? Seems like a long time ago right? Not to Rodgers. He’s going to crucify San Fran today.

Cardinals (-8) over Rams

God, I have to keep picking the Cards until Carson Palmer explodes and blows a pick for me, don’t I?

Broncos (-7) over Vikings

IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE BOTH QUARTERBACKS HAVE LAUGHABLE ARM STRENGTH! But, one of them is Peyton Manning, putting in some of the most impressive work of his career with a passing arm weaker than the average seventh grade back up quarterback.

Cowboys (+3) over Saints

Serious advice: Vegas overrating the Saints is an annual tradition, but make money while you can, because soon even Vegas will realize they suck.

Seahawks (-9.5) over Lions

WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT DETROIT IN PRIMETIME?

Whatever. I bounced back from a horrific Week 2 to go above .500 for the season. Let’s win some fake money together. Enjoy the games.

Last Week: 12-4-0

This Week: 0-0-1

Season: 24-23-1

Love this? Hate it? Think I’m an idiot? Don’t just curse at me under your breath, head to theDude You Podcast iTunes page, and leave a 5-star review to make sure I know it, and have your voice heard on the air.

 

 

Posted on October 4, 2015, in Alabama, Blog, Gambling, General Sports, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Football Drinking Game, NFL, NFL, Picks, Podcast, SEC, The UGA Vault. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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