Georgia Recruiting: Quarterback Jacob Eason Will Not Win a Championship as Explained by the Mark Richt Hater


This is the part where I pretend I’ve been here all Spring and we ignore the fact that I missed the annual March Madness Pick ‘Em Contest and the bulk of spring practice while my wife popped out a baby. I guess this is also the part where I fess up to being the satirical voice behind the Mark Richt Hater. Let’s do this…

 

Marky Mark got him a good one.

Jacob Eason.

Mr. Everything. Five-star this. Five-star that. A cannon made of brushed platinum (because regular old platimum is too flashy) for an arm. Good size. Good feet. A good head on his shoulders. This is why Marky Mark is the best in tbe biz. Mark Richt turns elite prospects into national championships.

Except when he doesn’t. Except for every single year ever. I feel like I’ve seen this play out before. An elite quarterback coming to Georgia and failing to win a Natty? I guess we better get used to it because the Jacob Eason story has already been written.

Jacob Eason is David Greene with a less colorful name.

Jacob Eason is D.J. Shockley but slow AF.

Jacob Eason is Blake Barnes without the alliteration.

Jacob Eason is Joe Tereshinski without lineage.

Jacob Eason is Matthew Stafford without a keg.

Jacob Eason is Joe Cox with less fiery hair.

Jacob Eason is Aaron Murray throwing a football at a beer can on Spring Break but with fewer fans.

Jacob Eason is Christian LeMay without religious affiliation.

Jacob Eason is Hutson Mason except…wait nobody is as bad as Hutson Mason.

Jacob Eason is Faton Bauta, Brice Ramsey and Jacob Park rolled into one quarterback named Fatramjac except younger.

Haven’t we seen this before? Big-time quarterback make a big-time mistake by trusting Mark Richt because he’s such a nice guy. Mark Richt squanders talent and loses to terrible teams. I’ve seen this. You’ve seen this. Everybody’s seen this except Butts-Mehre.

Poor Jacob.

 

-The Mark Richt Hater

 

 

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About dudeyoucrazy

College Football Writer

Posted on April 10, 2015, in Blog, Georgia Bulldogs, SEC, The UGA Vault. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Is Jacob’s dad, Tony, the old QB from Illinois back in the 80’s? if so, Jacob’s dad could flat spin the football.

  2. I wonder what your negative self will write about when it happens.

  1. Pingback: Georgia Recruiting: Quarterback Jacob Eason Will Not Win a Championship as Explained by the Mark Richt Hater | TheDawgSpot.com

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