The Officially Official DYC Super Bowl Preview
Here we are again; the inevitable end of the football season, and the inevitable begin of counting down to the next football season. Make no mistake – this is America’s Game now, and waiting for more football is the second most popular sport. The NFL has had the PR season from hell, and ratings haven’t budged. As a nation, we get outraged over the audacity of the League to lie to us on multiple fronts…during the week. Come Sunday? A collective voice rings out across the land, echoing from all 50 states:
“GIVE US OUR FOOTBALL.”
And give us football they shall. The most dominant 15 year run in the salary cap era vs. an emerging defensive dynasty is a helluva storyline the NFL has handed us. We’re going to go over what happens when each team has the ball, some friends of the blog are gonna make some picks, and we’re gonna have some fun. I’ll be checking in Sunday with all your prop betting needs, but I want to do more. I want to help you win even more money with a prop in this blog, so this next one’s on me. Four straight years I’ve won this bet, and it’s the first prop I find when the line comes out.
National anthem over/under.
This year, we’ve got Idina Menzel singing the anthem, and Wikipedia says she’s a Broadway singer who used to be married to Taye Diggs. Sure, her ex-husband doesn’t matter at all, but this was literally the only name I recognized on her Wikipedia page. The line this year is a logical 2:01, which means that someone is paying attention to the money I’ve been winning. It’s safe to assume that she’s not going for the record (Alicai Keys , 2:36), but she want’s to be respectable. Toss in the fact that they’re in Glendale with good conditions, and I get the feeling she’ll want to show off. Bang the over.
(Blah blah I’ve overthought this blah blah crippling gambling addiction. Grow up.)
I’ve been made aware that Ms. Menzel sings the Frozen song. As a 29-year old man with no children, I remain blissfully under informed about this movie or song. Back to the blog!
I have no rooting interest in this game, as both teams are generally unlikable. Except for these two guys.
Get them a sitcom, a buddy cop movie, or an advice column ASAP.
On to the Super Bowl. FWIW, I reserve the right to Chad Ford any pick that I get wrong going forward. Didn’t know that was an option until now, to be honest. Next year, when I’m retroactively perfect against the spread, thank Chad Ford.
NEW ENGLAND @ SEATTLE
When We Last Saw New England: They were murder-death-killing the Colts by a billion points, which everyone has conveniently forgotten about in the face of BALLGHAZI. A couple of quick points about this non-scandal: 1. Every quarterback adjusts inflation to their own liking, and if you believe every other quarterback is within the acceptable parameters all the time, you’re crazy. 2. We’ve seen grown men on television nearly cry over deflated ball, impassioned calls for justice from owners, and the swift moving machine of the NFL collect video and statements and commission reports. But they never saw the Ray Rice video. Right.
Moving on so the Shield doesn’t shut down this blog, the Patriots played basically their dream game against the Colts. Passing at will, they were able to even activate their heretofore optional running game, all stemming from the abilities of their monster tight end to affect the defense. The Pats pass to set up the run, and early success downfield against the Seahawks will allow them to control the clock. Gronkowski’s presence on the field will force adjustments out of this Seattle defense, and New England’s ability to utilize him to occupy the safeties in the passing game will decide their offensive success.
Defensively, I don’t feel great about this Patriot side. They are going against a multifaceted offense with a front that has generated a grand total of ZERO sacks in the playoffs thus far. And you know what? Russell Wilson is TONS more mobile than Flacco or Luck. Then again, the defense has stepped up when they needed to (twin comebacks in the same game against Baltimore). Plus, who’s really betting against the bad guys?
When We Last Saw Seattle: Seattle was finding a way to win (copyright every coach ever) in overtime against the Packers. Russell Wilson looked super pedestrian (or concussed!) for the majority of the game, but cleared out the cobwebs in time to scratch and claw his way back to another Super Bowl. Take away that Matthews hit and subsequent crappy quarterback play, and the Seattle offense looked the same way it has all year; dominant running game setting up big plays downfield. No team has really thrown a wrench in this plan since Seattle’s last loss before Thanksgiving, and that kind of consistency is rare these days. Every team since Week 12 knew this was their plan, and could do absolutely nothing to stop it. Also – #WheelRoutes. They’re coming.
The Patriot offense appears to match up on paper well with this Seahawks Voltron-esque defense. Chancellor and Thomas will have their attentions focused on the middle of the field with the propensity of Brady to look for both his tight ends and his running backs when the outside receivers are taken away, and trust me: Maxwell and Sherman will help take the outside away. The Patriots offensive line has gotten exponentially better over the course of the season, but the Seattle front four is a unique challenge that they need to be ready for. Old timey land baron Pete Carroll says they won’t be.
THE PICK: I’ve got my opinion, but I turned to friends of the blog for their opinions because hey, the more the merrier.
Chad Floyd (writer at DudeYouCrazy.net, former intern, @Chad_Floyd) – “Seahawks. Thank you, Patriots, for again making a mockery of Super Bowl week and providing our mainstream media with extreme #HOTSPORTSTAKES. I hope you burn in hell.”
I then asked Brandi to elaborate for the blog. So what happened next is my fault.
“To the window
to the wall
Till the air drips out my balls
I’m so ashamed”
Michael Felder (lead college football writer at Bleacher Report, drinker of beer(s), @InTheBleachers) – “I don’t know about lines but gimme the Seahawks for sure. Love #AllRussellWilsonEverything & the LOB is going to put the paws on the Pats.”
Rodimus Prime (host of the award-winning podcast The Black Guy Who Tips, better at podcasting than us, @rodimusprime) – “ I say the Seahawks win by 16. Black quarterback power and a dominant defense will expose Tom Brady’s spaghetti arm for what it is!”
Andrew Hall (site runner at DudeYouCrazy.net, mid-podcast vanisher, @DudeYouCrazy) – “Picking last huh? Taking the Patriots because if I’m right, I get to beat more people than if I take the Seahawks. That’s what we call fading the public. Old gambling secret.”
Partially because I’m a lover of defense at heart, and mostly because betting with Andrew is always a horrible idea, I’ve made my decision.
Seattle (+1) over New England
Get drunk, make deflation jokes during Katy Perry’s halftime show, and enjoy the game.
Oh, and buy Lipitor. Just in case they really are giving out money. DudeYouCrazy – Not for sale, but we’re taking payments.
CUE THE PATRIOTS’ MUSIC!
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