NFL Football: Thursday Night Is a Joke + Week 5 Picks
I am done. I’m done pretending to care about these Thursday games, and I’m done pretending that these are watchable football exercises. The Falcons ethering the Bucs notwithstanding, none of the games this year haven’t been great, and in years past they were just as bad. The average margin of victory in the NFL this season is 12.5. On Thursday night that number jumps to 31.25. Maybe there really IS something to making a team play two games in 4 days that leads to such a bad, unwatchable product, but if there’s one thing the NFL is sure of: we’re gonna watch.
Not me. I’ll pick the games, I’ll post some gifs, I’ll even make fun of the results, but I am done with non-Thanksgiving NFL Thursday Night games.
*Makes sure the Falcons aren’t playing any more Thursday night games this season*
DONE. See, if you got sucked into that game last night, you surely missed Oregon pooping on themselves on national television. While I was far from excited to watch Aaron Rodgers burn one down against the Vikings, I WAS interested in watching the Oregon Highlighters Ducks lose on a Thursday night.
I cheer for chaos in non-Georgia college football, and Arizona beating Oregon in Eugene is simultaneously the most chaotic and non-Georgia thing that could have happened. Now, I get to relax as Georgia goes to beat up on Troy Vanderbilt, and the woodchipper that is the SEC West schedule picks up.
PICKS! Home team, as always, in bold.
Packers (-7.5) over Vikings
— DPalm (@dpalm66) October 2, 2014
And that’s BEFORE I knew that Teddy wouldn’t play.
Falcons (+4) over Giants
Gimmie dem points, gimmie the return of Harry Douglas, gimmie the bounce back and the reemergence of Bad Eli.
Bears (+2.5) over Panthers
Cam Newton is WAY more hurt than he’s letting on, there are no effective running backs left on the joint Carolina team, and last week showed that no matter how good that front 7 is, the back-end is a little suspect.
Browns (+1) over Titans
Two teams going in very different directions, as I can believe the Browns have gotten better, and I blame Jason for the fact that I have a Titans receiver on my fantasy team.
Eagles (-7) over Rams
I told myself that I was going to bail on the blingee once Foles had a bad game, and HOLY CRAP that San Francisco game was the PICTURE of terribleness.
Buccaneers (+10) over Saints
New Orleans, come on down! You’re our latest contestant on “the NFL team that everyone is going to realize is bad at the last possible second since they’ve been perceived as good for a while now.” Also appearing on the show this season: the Patriots!
Cowboys (-6.5) over Texans
I’m betting on the Cowboys to stay with the dominating running game, which means Tony Romo is going to drop back 45 times this weekend. I hate Dallas because there is a legit 85% chance this is going to happen.
Lions (-7) over Bills
WELCOME BACK NECK BEARD! By the way, the fact that they are pulling the plug on their second year quarterback after 4 games for the DEFINITION of short-term solution that is Kyle Orton tells you 1. how bad the AFC East is, B. how bad Manuel was and IV. that everyone thinks this division is wide open since the Patriots might be terrible.
Colts (-3.5) over Ravens
So, because I have the best girlfriend in the world, I’m going to WWE Smackdown taping here in Philly next Tuesday. Do me a solid, and shoot me sign suggestions either in the comments or on twitter. Thanks.
Steelers (-6) over Jacksonville
Um, did Jacksonville sign Superman? Why is this line so low? You’d think that I would do a LITTLE research for this blog. You’d be wrong.
Cardinals (-7.5) over Broncos
Arizona covers and Peyton wins. He’s gonna cross the 500 touchdown barrier in this game because the world is unfair.
Niners (-5.5) over Chiefs
MAKE UP YOUR MINDS IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE A RUNNING TEAM SO I DON’T BENCH FRANK GORE FOR STEPHEN BLEEPING JACKSON! No wonder ownership is trying to get rid of Harbaugh. He’s the worst.
Chargers (-6) over Jets
They want to keep starting Geno, I’ll keep taking the easy win in the picks blog.
Bengals (-1) over Patriots
Watching the Patriots be bad is ALMOST as good as laughing at the Saints. Almost.
Seahawks (-7) over Washington Professional Football Team
Style on em Pete.
Last Week: 6-6-1
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