NFL Football: Redemption + Week 3 Picks

A wise man once said, to be the man, you gotta beat the man.

Now, I’m not saying I’m going to let the Tao of Flair (not a religion, but should be) COMPLETELY guide my picks, but something has gotta give. Classic overreaction to week one by my resulted in the not-so-great record you see below, but at least we can agree that last week’s picks column at least had a well-written preamble.

Maybe? No?


Bottom line is that I’m back, we’re back, and we’re not gonna quit picking these things until I run out of metaphorical money. Especially after watching the mighty Falcons DOMINATE last night, I’m inspired to both be great, and to publicly embarrass my enemies. If you want to know how bad it got for the Bucs, you really only need one tweet:

Ouch. On to redemption week picks. As always, home teams are in bold.

Falcons (-7) over Bucs

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, and the ‘your pick was in after the game’ crowd? Find me a time over the last two years I picked against the Falcons. You can’t. You can’t. #EarlyGIFRoundUp


Bills (-1) over Chargers

All my Bills fan friends, I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY. The fact that I have Bills fan friends means that I have made seriously poor choices in life.

Cowboys (-1) over Rams

It’s not December, so Romo should be fine. Yes, I used that joke in week three last year, but if it ain’t broke…

Texans (-2) over Giants

Jason Pierre-Paul said that he’s not worried about stopping the Texans offense. I think he should be worried about stopping his own offense. Thanks, I’m here all week, tip your bartenders. 0-2 Giants chirping in the media: good idea or bad idea?

Saints (-10) over Vikings

(insert joke about the Saints getting moved to the Exempt/Commissioner’s Permission List for the beating they are going to put on Minnesota)

Bengals (-7) over Titans

The Bengals have a great defense that ran roughshod over my Birds last week. I don’t mean to suggest by any means that the Titans are better than Atlanta, but they have weapons, a decent quarterback, and a pretty good defense of their own. Nope, couldn’t do it. Switched the pick.

Ravens (-2) over Browns

The Browns barely lost to the Steelers in an overtime game in week one. The Ravens and Bengals might be the class of this division. G’night Browns. Upside, this is going to get us closer to JFF’s first start in Week 10 with the returning Josh Gordon.

Packers (+1) over Lions

Aaron Rodgers likes your indoor football field and climate control and – MY GOD LOOK AT ALL THE TOUCHDOWNS.

Colts (-7) over Jags

The Jags are the worst team in football…

Patriots (-14) over Raiders

I stand corrected.

Eagles (-6.5) over Washington Professional Football Team

Both teams beat the Jags, but one team is starting Kirk Cousins. The other team is starting THIS MAN:

Cardinals (+3) over Niners

Did you know that the underdogs are 20-13 against the spread this season? Cold world.

Seahawks (-4.5) over Broncos

I feel like this could be the movie sequel no one asked for, and makes everyone uncomfortable. Like Cruel Intentions 2. DID YOU KNOW THERE’S A CRUEL INTENTIONS 2?

Dolphins (-3.5) over Chiefs

There are more and more rumors coming out regarding the status of Jammal Charles, but it’s not like Andy Reid uses his running backs anyway.

Panthers (-3) over Steelers

Gonna be a LONG year for Ben and company.

Bears (+2.5) over Jets

Brandon Marshall is the fantasy player who is probable all week, then a game time decision so you sit him. But then of course he plays, and scores 3 touchdowns, and you’re the idiot who left a ton of points on the bench. This happened to a friend of mine. Seriously, it wasn’t me; I’m the idiot who drafted Adrian Peterson.

WEEK 2 BEST BETS: Bills, Texans, Colts

Last Week: 5-10-1

Season: 14-17-1

Best Bets Last Week: 0-3

Best Bets Season: 1-5

Love this? Hate it? Think I’m an idiot? Don’t just curse at me under your breath, head to the Dude You Podcast iTunes page, and leave a 5-star review to make sure I know it, and have your voice heard on the air.

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Posted on September 19, 2014, in Blog, General Sports, NFL, Picks, Podcast. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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