2014 NFL Draft Live Blog
Welcome to my favorite time of year, the NFL Draft. Now, when I say time of year, I mean the actual draft; not the needlessly extended by two weeks run up TO the Draft. That’s unbearable. On my old site, I ran these live blogs for the 2007 and 2008 drafts, and they were always well received, so we’re running it back for the Dude You Crazy audience. By the way, HOLY CRAP, was I wrong a lot about these players. But not as wrong as Mel Kiper, so I’ve got that going for me. Which is nice.
The biggest wrinkle this year is the NFL allowing players who decide to come to the Draft in person get to pick personalized walk up music. Ignoring the fact that going to the Draft is almost never a good idea (you’re just as drafted at home with family as you are in NYC getting screamed at by Jets fans), I’m excited to see who picks what. Guarantee Manziel comes out to some awful Drake song, but everyone else will be interesting to see.
Oh, and if anyone wants to pick a certain blogging ex-football player this year, the NFL better get ready to pay some royalties to one Vincent K. McMahon Jr., and pipe in some Jim Ross to announce the pick.
See you all back here at 8 tonight.
8:00 – And here we go. For reference, I’ll be flipping between the ESPN and NFL Network feeds, depending on which talking heads are making me less nauseous at any given time.
8:02 – OH GOOD, ALOE BLACC! ESPN ran me off in RECORD time.
8:04 – Did you know that the Draft was pushed back two weeks because they FORGOT to book Radio City? Some stupid James Dolan musical dislodged the most profitable sports league in America. And now they’re gonna swing this into a week long Draft eventually. They can’t even screw up right.
8:06 – REALLY impressed with the (well-deserved) sustained booing of Roger. I’m gonna bestow him the David Stern most lustily hated commissioner award. Big night for him.
8:10 – Holy crap ESPN. Gruden, Berman, Kiper AND Ray Lewis? You getting paid to throw this fight against NFL Network? Though, Marshall Faulk’s bow tie is ridiculously big. It’s the Merril Hoge tie knot of bow ties.
8:15 – The Super Bowl was February 4th. According to my laptop, it’s May 8th. The Texans are taking the WHOLE 10 minutes because the NFL has ads to sell. I hate everything.
8:18 – Clowney to the Texans. Of course they did. We’ll see how he fits in a 3-4, but this is a bit of an upset for me. I was really hoping that he would come out to Skynyrd. REALLY excited to see all those clips against UGA. Kind of proud that Mike Mayock is determined to continue to hate for no good reason. Good on ya.
8:27 – Robinson to the Rams! He and Marshall Faulk are wearing the same size bow tie. One of them is a 6’5″ tackle, and it looks normal on him. Wait, Mayock was willing to dump on Clowney, but just invoked Orlando Pace when talking about Robinson? I’d love to know the agent that represents either (both) of them.
8:30 – Something lost with the popularity of the Draft? The lack of country as hell suits. Go google Karl Malone Draft Suit. Google will auto-fill it for you.
8:32 – And right about HERE is when that Green Room starts to get smaller and smaller, and those lights get hotter and hotter. Bortles is good, but UCF just churned out a top-3 pick. I don’t know if I like this new world.
8:35 – Deion Sanders post draft interviews > Suzy Kolber’s post draft interviews.
8:37 – The
Toronto (not yet) Bills just picked up Sammy Watkins, and that Damian Swann missed tackle on that slant route STILL hurts.
8:40 – Constant replaying of the Swann blown tackle reminds me: this live blog is brought to you by Stoli and lemonade.
8:44 – “Mack’s suit is too shiny and is a little tight in the shoulders.” – My girlfriend. She works in fashion.
8:48 – One day, someone will have to explain to me the upside of going to the Draft as a player. Either you go first, or it gets more awkward with every 10 minutes passing, and as the room empties, more and more cameras settle on you. HUGE no win situation.
8:52 – Jake Matthews?
8:56 – You’re here for jokes, not analysis, but MAN. I always thought he was better than Robinson, especially in pass protection, and if you think me bailing on Chad’s Draft prediction blog wasn’t me wanting to not jinx this, you are outside your mind.
9:00 – Potentially unpopular opinion alert: I miss the Draft being on the weekend. I know the NFL loves their sweet, sweet prime time money, but waking up on Saturday, ordering an unhealthy number of wings, punishing yourself with booze, and doing it again the next day? Man. Guess I’m just getting old.
9:02 – Man, I forgot how ugly these new Bucs jerseys are. Wait, is Lovie Smith going to stick with (insert first name) McCown all year? I know he said Glennon is not his quarterback of the future.
9:05 – HUUUUUUGE swerve by the Browns, taking Justin Gilbert. On the one hand, I’m glad Cleveland isn’t going to ruin J. Football, but watching him fake-clap as he watches these other cats get drafted isn’t fun either.
9:12 – Anthony Barr gets bonus points for staying at home. The all-time leader for how to get drafted is Joe Thomas, who was fishing with his dad when the phone rang. I feel like you should know these things.
9:16 – That sponsored tweet by Barry Sanders made me sad. Ebron will always remember the day he got drafted…which will always help him remember the date he proposed. I’ve had friends propose on their own birthdays for the same reason.
9:20 – Live look in at the green room at pick 11:
9:25 – Will Muschamp! Comin in hot!
Wow- spread offense guys making more money than those pro style guys. #numbersign
— Will Muschamp (@CoachWMuschamp) May 9, 2014
9:30 – I’m just really glad Odell Beckham isn’t going to be playing in the SEC anymore. Guys like this aren’t gone until you watch them get drafted. Good riddance.
9:38 – Rams continuing the NFC West arms race. Their d-line was terrifying, and just got terrifying-er. It’s a word.
9:40 – ESPN, I give you a chance, and you slap me in the face MORE Aloe Blacc? NFL Network, take me the rest of the way.
9:45 – Bears had no choice but to take a DB. Now, they have to hope they have enough picks to replace the rest of the defense. As for the Johnny Football watch, well…
Look at Jerry. Just WAITING to do something stupid. It’s killing him.
— D’Brickashaw (@DragonflyJonez) May 9, 2014
9:50 – Logic would dictate that the Cowboys address their obvious and many defensive shortcomings. Jerry Jones is on the clock, so there’s no telling what happens. That said, Manziel’s girl is vying for the Brady Quinn’s Girlfriend award for wishing she had just stayed at home. UPDATE: Someone says it’s his sister. Should have known Johnny wouldn’t play favorites. Game recognize game.
9:54 – WHICH ONE OF YOU DRUGGED JERRY JONES? I mean, moreso than usual. Still Jerry needed defense, so he got an offensive tackle because of course he did.
10:00 – CJ Mosley, another “Glad he’s out of the SEC” All-Star.
10:05 – I’ve been sucked into the over-coverage of the Draft this year, like everyone else, but man. I never imagined that Johnny Football would be the front runner to get Brady Quinn’d. Another benefit of the weekend Draft is that the NFL doesn’t have to try to convince these cats who don’t get picked to come be on camera the next day.
10:18 – Fun fact: refreshing your Stoli takes longer than refreshing your browser. James out of Tennessee seems like a stretch to me, but this Miami front office knows what it’s…nope, couldn’t do it with a straight face.
10:26 – Brandon Cooks. Bust. Book it. Yeah, I still hate the Saints, what about it?
10:35 – The Packers continue to be a well-run, successful organization who have figured out the whole “Alabama has good football players” thing.
10:38 – Do it Chip. Be a god and draft Manziel. Set the internet on fire.
10:43 – I’m really gonna miss JFF. The Browns. *throws remote*.
10:47 – On the upside, he’s already used to running for his life. We’ll see if it works in Cleveland. (SPOILERS: it won’t work).
Luckily JFF drank all that water, because you can’t drink Cleveland water. You’ll die.
— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) May 9, 2014
10:53 – Kansas City takes Dee Ford out of Auburn, who stayed at home like a G. Great player, but is this just an excuse for me to run the Andy Reid Kool Aid Man gif? Of course it is. You know me so well, internet.
11:00 – The Spurs just hung 70 in the first half. What? I’m a great multi-tasker.
11:03 – Wait, which one of y’all told Teddy to go the Draft? And I’m not one of these new-fangled Teddy haters, I been talking bad about him since I started here. Just ask Chad.
11:10 – Chip with a little bit of a stretch at 26, but they needed a linebacker and they got a linebacker. ANALYSIS.
11:15 – Curious about the draftees walk up songs? Me too! Deadspin found a list. I bet we don’t hear R. Kelly tonight.
11:20 – Kelvin Benjamin, welcome to being the only receiving threat for the Panthers. Another smart player who stayed at home. I bet Teddy wishes he’d stayed at home in a polo. WHAT IS THE UPSIDE TO GOING?
11:26 – Pats take Easley out of Florida, who tore his ACL in practice this year. Now, watch all the talking heads and Marshall Faulk’s bow tie tells us what a great pick it is, since the everyone is afraid to cross Belichick.
11:32 – NIU DB taken in the first round. Go drunk Draft, you’re home.
11:39 – Am I excited to see who the Seahawks take so I can go to bed? Maybe. Though this vodka and football is probably going to keep me up for a while because I’ve been essentially brainwashed by the NFL at this point. I haven’t even checked the Spurs score in like 10 minutes.
11:43 – And by Seahawks, of course I mean the Vikings. Plus, it might even be Teddy Bridgewater, and what a weird ending this would be.
11.46 – Sleep in tomorrow Teddy, no need for that second suit, you’re not coming back! Congrats to all 32 guys whose lives changed tonight, sorry to all 32 dissapointed fanbases who are disappointed because fans are annoying, and never forget:
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