Mock Drafting is Hard.


As you will see below, the brilliant minds of DudeYouCrazy.net and friends are…not excellent at prognostication. I have no additional snark to add, because Daniel Palmer’s not-quite-annual live blog of the first round was a success in that regard. For more snark, here’s the man himself, coming in hot from Gmail chat:

Daniel: Hoyer: getting Joe Tereshinski’d this year
GM: Sorry about your injury Brain
Hoyer: But I’m not hurt

Chad: NOT ACCORDING TO OUR DOCTORS

Daniel: GM: We’ll make sure you get all your checks, and that the doc gives you a clean bill when the contract is up
Hoyer: Wait, I feel fine.
GM: Thanks for being such a role model, and I know even injured, you’re going to be an asset in the QB room
Hoyer: This is-
GM: Here’s your clipboard

We can’t get a good read on if the Cleveland GM is actually Kevin Costner, if he is ACTUALLY the homeless guy who had the Manziel premonition, or if Cleveland really exists, but this consultation covers all bases.

Below are the results of the first round, with correctly slotted picks highlighted (EDIT: I highlighted them on Excel, but that didn’t transfer over. Whoops). Because someday I want a made-up title like ‘draft guru’, I included Mel Kiper’s final mock draft. He clearly doesn’t have Jon Gruden’s HEART for film study, because he didn’t perform markedly better than our top performer. As it stands, he’s a shining example of ‘fake it til you make it’, or the American Dream.

Chad Jason Actual Evan Andrew Mel
Clowney Clowney HOU- Jadeveon Clowney Clowney Clowney Clowney
Ja. Matthews Mack STL- Greg Robinson Robinson Watkins Robinson
Bortles Manziel JAX- Blake Bortles Manziel Mack Mack
Watkins Watkins BUF- Sammy Watkins Watkins Manziel Watkins
Robinson Bortles OAK- Khalil Mack Mack Robinson Evans
Mack Robinson ATL- Jake Matthews Ja. Matthews Ja. Matthews Ja. Matthews
Evans Evans TB- Mike Evans Evans Evans Manziel
Manziel Donald CLE- Justin Gilbert Bortles Bortles Donald
Lewan Ebron MIN- Anthony Barr Lewan Lewan Lewan
Dennard Barr DET- Eric Ebron Dennard Beckham Gilbert
Donald Dennard TEN- Taylor Lewan Gilbert Dennard Barr
Ebron Ja. Matthews NYG- Odell Beckham Ebron Donald Martin
Clinton-Dix Clinton-Dix STL- Aaron Donald Clinton-Dix Clinton-Dix Clinton-Dix
Mosley Gilbert CHI- Kyle Fuller Donald Ebron Fuller
Fuller Fuller PIT- Ryan Shazier Beckham Gilbert Dennard
Bridgewater Nix DAL- Zack Martin Pryor Moses Shazier
Martin Lewan BAL- C.J. Mosley Martin Martin Ebron
Beckham Beckham NYJ- Calvin Pryor Cooks Cooks Beckham
Kouandjio Martin MIA- Ja’Wuan James Moses Kouandijo James
Carr Carr NO- Brandin Cooks Shazier Bridgewater Bortles
Pryor Mosley GB- Ha Ha Clinton-Dix Mosley Mosley Mosley
Lee Cooks CLE- Johnny MF Football Lee Ellington Cooks
Cooks Lee KC- Dee Ford Su’a-Filo Matthews Lee
Barr Roby CIN- Darqueze Dennard Verrett Fuller Roby
Nix Verrett SD- Jason Verrett Barr Verrett Jean-Baptiste
Garoppolo Bridgewater PHI- Marcus Smith Bridgewater Latimer Bridgewater
Gilbert Martin ARZ- Deone Bucannon Fuller Hopper Van Noy
Benjamin Moses CAR- Kelvin Benjamin Kouandijo Button Bitonio
Amaro Hageman NE- Dominique Easley Hageman Hageman Pryor
Jo. Matthews Shazier SF- Jimmie Ward Roby Roby Latimer
Ford Jean-Baptiste DEN- Bradley Roby Latimer Tuitt Verrett
Sua-Filo Bitonio MIN- Teddy Bridgewater Tuitt Ealy Moses
24 24 Total Round 1 Draftees 25 22 26
5 4 Correctly Slotted 6 4 6

So, congratulations to Mr. Evan Watkins, whom I now owe a six pack of beer. Considering he works a full-time job and came within one correct name from tying Kiper outright, I would like to officially appoint Watkins the DudeYouCrazy draft guru….

…Which carries as much weight as ESPN’s title, without the pay.

About Chadwick

Enjoyer of adventure, would support a Trump policy that requires a minimum IQ to tweet. @Chad_Floyd for fun, @ChadFloydKW for real estate.

Posted on May 6, 2014, in Blog. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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