SEC Network: Ranking the New “Take It All In” Ads
The SEC Network released a new series of ads this morning in their “Take It All In” campaign. The twist in this new set of releases is that there is an ad tailored for each member school’s fan base. The intent here is to make DirecTV, Comcast, and Time Warner catch even more hell within SEC markets for not adding the SEC Network to their lineups.
Some of the ads are exceptional–highlighting the traditions and absurdities that make the SEC so special. Some make you wonder why anyone has ever submitted themselves to the torment of rooting for a school that is this lame. Below you’ll find my (Jason) rankings for each ad from worst to best:
14. Missouri – “M-I-Z…Z-O-U!”
If the only tradition you bring to this conference is misspelling your own damn name then please sit down.
13. South Carolina – Sandstorm
Never is your little brother status more apparent, South Carolina, than when you try to make us all think that a 1999 one-hit wonder from Finnish trance producer DJ Darude is a cool “tradition.” Even Drake thinks you are trying too hard.
12. Texas A&M – Reveille
Apparently A&M also has a dog mascot. The problem is that this mascot is a terrible focus point because no matter who you talk to there is no chance that “Reveille” is ever going to be ranked higher than third-coolest mascot in the SEC. Note: that is only if we limit the category to dog mascots. If you open it up to all mascots that number drops even lower.
11. Florida – The Chomp
Alright look. I know I’m biased. I’m not ranking this spot this low because of how much I hate the chomp (and trust me I hate it). I’m ranking it this low because it only serves to highlight how little Florida contributes to the body of tradition that makes the SEC great. Also, because someone actually says in this ad that “The Chomp” is one of the most easily recognizable “chants” in all of sports. I’m sorry, but are you saying any words during the Chomp? Then how it is a chant?! I FEEL LIKE I’M TAKING CRAZY PILLS. No one but Florida would actually argue that a chant is the same thing as a hand motion. Sorry, you have cooler traditions than this. Or maybe not…
10. Kentucky – Midnight Madness
How much money did that crazy graphic projection cost? I wonder if there is another sport at your school that could have benefited from more cash…
9. Vanderbilt – Memorial Gym
Highlighting cool places is a definite win in my book. And Memorial is by far the most unique athletic venue in the conference. Would be a lot cooler if Vanderbilt ever won anything outside of it though…
8. Arkansas – Woo Pig Sooie
This one I actually consider a chant. However, it is by far the most nonsensical chant in the SEC. However however, I give it a top ten rank because it is definitely the coolest thing that Arkansas does. Furthermore, they did not attempt to hide the surprisingly high likelihood that if you are doing “Woo Pig Sooie” you are also wearing overalls. Way to keep it real.
7. Mississippi State – Left Field Lounge
This is by far the coolest thing MSU does and I didn’t even know about it. That’s what a good TV spot should do for the SEC.
6. Tennessee – Rocky Top Lullaby
No, Vols fans, this spot does not merit a top 5 rank. Rocky Top is not the coolest thing you do (Running out of the “T” is. I know. I’ve seen it.). Also, has there ever been a more meta critique of a program than a mom singing Rocky Top to get a baby to stop crying? Life as a Tennessee fan is tough, kid. I think we just hired a basketball coach no one has ever heard of. Go back to sleep.
5. Ole Miss – The Grove
The cream of the crop begins with by far the best tailgating culture in the SEC, the Grove. If someone asked me to prove how cool the SEC was the Grove is definitely one of the first examples I’m citing. Well done.
4. Auburn – Toomer’s Corner
There is something oddly inspiring about dying trees still getting covered in toilet paper. Something very SEC in sharing something that is completely ridiculous but makes us come together at the same time.
3. LSU – Mike the Tiger
IT IS A REAL DAMN TIGER THAT WOULD REALLY EAT YOU IF HE GOT OUT HOW IS THIS NOT NUMBER ONE?!! Also, the use of “Loungin'” by Guru makes this ad something to behold.
2. Alabama – Bear Bryant Speech
I imagined that Bama’s spot would’ve been a cringe-worthy 30 second soliloquy on how cool houndstooth hats are. This was by far the most pleasant surprise of all the spots. Only reason it’s not number one is because of the “Bama fans” it shows. C’mon guys. No one that attends Bama games looks that normal. And I love Bama for that.
1. Georgia – My God, a Freshman
I’m sorry but I’m not sorry. Bill Bates describing what Herschel Walker’s legs felt like before they steamrolled him into oblivion is only the icing on the cake. What makes this spot the best is that it highlights the greatest play-by-play man in the history of college sports giving what has to be one of the greatest radio calls in all of college sports. Couple that with the seminal moment in the career of the most legendary running back in SEC history? Game, set, and match.
I’d like to think an objective observer would agree with me but feel free to disagree below.
Happy Football Doldrums.