Five Answers that You Won’t Hear at SEC Media Days
SEC Media Days get under way today in Hoover, Alabama. Yesterday I gave you answers you should expect from coaches and players around the SEC. Here are five that you probably won’t here:
1. Aaron Murray and the End of the Game:
Reporter: Aaron, talk to us a little bit about the end of the SEC Championship Game last December. How much has that affected your offseason – from your decision to return to your time in the film room?
Aaron Murray: I’m not sure what we’re talking about.
2. Johnny Manziel’s Heisman Partying
Reporter: Mr. Football, a lot has been said about your offseason of partying and its impact on the upcoming season. How would you address those concerns?
Manziel: I got four words for you. High. Sman. Tro. Fee. Every freshman who has ever won the Heisman has partied as hard as me the offseason after. That’s a fact.
3. Mark Richt is the New Kanye West
Reporter: Coach Richt, what do you say to people who maybe say that you possibly…
Richt: I’m really happy for you. And Imma letchu finish. But Atlanta’s Chuck Oliver had the the best hypothetical and condescending question of all time! OF ALL TIME!!!!! [Returns to his bottle of Courvoisier.]
4. Bret Bielema’s Recruiting Prowess
Reporter: Coach Bielema, how do address concerns about your ability to recruit? You were tremendously successful at Wisconsin as a coach but you only brought in one top-40 recruiting class during your tenure. Can you bring talent to Arkansas?
Bielema: Honey, come up here. [Bielema’s wife walks onto stage.] National signing day is a lot like a Miss America Pageant. This is what I like to call a swimsuit competition. [Bielema tears off his suit revealing a beer gut, a farmer’s tan and a pair of board shorts.] Now you go. [Bielema’s significantly more attractive counterpart sheepishly strips down to bikini.] Some call this out-kicking your coverage. I call it recruiting. Me landing her was the equivalent of Alcorn State landing Herschel Walker in the 1980s or Southern Mississippi signing Jadeveon Clowney. It’s borderline unbelievable. If the NCAA regulated marriages I’d be flagged for a recruiting irregularity after signing her. Your boy Big Belly Bielema can wrangle ‘em. Any other concerns?
5. Will Muschamp Sticks to the Script
Reporter: Coach Muschamp, you want to get your team back to the SEC Championship Game, but slip-ups in Jacksonville have kept your team from doing so. How do you even up the series with the Bulldogs this season?
Reporter: By yelling?
That’s all I got/