2013 NFL Draft Live Blog: That Annoying SEC Guy Weighs in on the Draftiness
Live coverage from the DudeYouCrazy War
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Last Two Picks: 31 – Not Manti Te’o. 32 – Not Manti Te’o. Great success!
Pick 29: Vikings, please draft Te’o so that Ogletree can be the next Ray Lewis in Baltimore. They take Corduroy Patterson.
Pick 28: Bathroom
Pick 27: Feeling really bad about Alec Ogletree. There are way too many “should have been drafted” guys still on the board. Geno Smith has to go. Te’o might need to go. Matt Elam is still around. Eddie Lacy is lingering. As is Corduroy Patterson. The Texans select Deandre Hopkins – a player who literally pooped in a hotel room.
Pick 26: Datone Jones goes. Can we pronounce that “Dat One”.
Pick 25: Why go Te’o when you can draft a football player? Xavier Rhodes could barely get out of his chair. That’s not a combine test, but maybe it should be.
Pick 24: Bjoern Werner. High effort guy with a good motor. Gruden compares him to Jarvis Jones.
Pick 23: Gruden must be the Honey Badgers agent. he is selling him harrrrrd. Meanwhile Minnesota is drafting. “I shot the” Sharrif Floyd finally gets drafted. He should have been picked ahead of Richardson.
Pick 22: Falcons move up. If they take Te’o I’m leaving the state. Whew. Des Trufant is the move. Not too shabby there for the falcers.
Pick 21: The Bengals get Tyler Eifert. This has to be bad news for former Georgia Bulldog Orson Charles.
Pick 20: Kyle Long, Howie’s other 315 pound son gets drafted. “Whoa! 315 is really big, right?” – WifeYouCrazy
Pick 19: Nap
Pick 18: LSU’s Eric Reid goes to the Niners. Interesting. Not bad. Interesting.
Pick 17: The Steelers get Jarvis Jones. This is perfect, except for the fact that I hate the Steelers. But that’s a good fit. Really happy for a damn good dawg.
Pick 16: Gruden tells Bills to take a QB in the first and in the third round. I think they could get Nassib in the 7th round. Not really. But sort of. They wisely take EJ Manuel.
Pick 15: The Saints take Kenny Vaccaro. I like him and not just because he ha a cool haircut and “blessed” tattooed on one of his forearms.
Pick 14: Carolina Panthers take Star Tlalasjlkdftouuutooaaa. I won’t learn his name until he learns mine. Star looks like he belongs in a rapper’s entourage. And I mean that in the best possible way. Seriously.
Pick 13: Sheldon Richardson – Mr. Old Man Football himself – just got drafted. Bust. Guaranteed.
Pick 12: Selfishly, I think I would look super awesome rocking a black and silver Jarvis Jones jersey. Can you make that happen Raiders? No. But against all odds the Raiders still botched it. D.J. Hayden is a risk. Injury issues, limited experience against elite WRs. he has great ball skills (hahahaha), but will struggle in run support. Why not take a DT here?
Pick 11: The Chargers pick up the third consecutive Alabama Crimson Tider, D.J. Fluker. How long until their backups get drafted?
Pick 10: The Tennessee Titans take Chance Warmack as Community Chest Warmack was not avaialable. In all seriousness, he’s a great player. He’ll be in the Pro Bowl within three years and will be a mainstay of that roster.
Pick 9: Hey Jets fans, what’s your favorite DC? See Dee Milliner.
Pick 8: The Bills wisely trade back so that they can draft a mediocre to awful college QB a little later. Rams expected to take Tavon Austin. Conspiracy time: Tavon Austin is at least 6 inches shorter than his mother. Where did he get his diminutive stature? Where did he get his athleticism? Have we seen any other tiny athletic guy at the NFL Draft? Was he hanging around for a phony reason? Yes. Barry Sanders is Tavon’s father.
Pick 7: The Cardinals snatch up Jonathan “Hangin With Mr.” Cooper out of UNC. Offensive Linemen are popular.
Pick 6: The Browns grab Barkevious Mingo. He will either be awesome or terrible. I don’t see much middle ground for him. Was that generic enough for you?
Pick 5: I’m hoping the Lions take either Marlon Brown or Tavarres King out of Georgia. Stafford deserves it. Oh snap, Barry Sanders came out to announce the Lions’ pick. That’s cool, but also super useless. how is the Madden curse going to affect him now? Oh there it is…Esekiel Ansah, a DE from BYU.
Pick 4: The Eagles just selected Lane Johnson – an offensive tackle who looks like a farmer. I like OT’s in the farmer mold. There’s a proven track record of success there.
Pick 3: The Raiders just drafted Usain Bolt!!!! Juuuust kidding. They made a trade. I’m for it. Mad props Raiders. Dolphins meanwhile screw it up trading up to get Dion Jordan. Hmmmmm. Gruden seems to think he could be the NFL’s most terrifying special teamer. Not what you want in your third pick. Jordan says he didn’t expect the trade because this is “his first time.” So he has not already been drafted??? Raiders get Miami’s 12th pick and 42nd (in second round) for that Dion Jordan move.
Pick 2: The Jacksonville Jaguars select Luke Joeckel from Texas A&M. You know what they say…He’s a Joeckel, he’s a smoeckel, he’s a midnight toeckel, blockin for Jaguars when they run. This was the right pick. I think. If the Raiders will just go ahead and draft Tavon Austin next all will be right in the world.
Pick 1: The Kansas City Chiefs just drafted
former NBA Star Derek Fisher. The First NBA Champion to be drafted first overall in the NFL Draft. Correction: ERIC Fisher. Add “Central Michigan Product Saves Kansas City Chiefs Football” to list of headlines you’ll never read. Just ridiculous. Calling it. If you “can’t even process what’s going on right now” (his words) while being interviewed by Suzy Kolber then you’re probably not quite ready to block NFL Defensive Ends.
8:08 PM: I just want to go on record with my readers (what’s up ma and pa) by saying that I have a KILLER pun ready for when Luke Joeckel gets drafted. Whenever that is.
8:05 PM: If you don’t think Roger Goodell is good at his job you’re nuts. He just turned boo-birds into chants of “USA! USA”.
8:04 PM: Things I’m already tired of:
- Jon Gruden’s Butt-Cut Hair
- Me not being Mel Kiper Jr.
- People pretending to not love Chris Berman
8:00 PM: Annnnnnd we’re live. Let me lead by saying that I had no idea the guy who sings the catchy “How You Like Me Now?” song that’s in all the commercials is black. Thanks ESPN and NFL for putting him in the intro. And for what it’s worth, I like him just as much now as before.