Who Wants To Be Clemson’s QB?

UNAVAILABLE: arrest photo


With the bizarre news that Clemson quarterback Chad Kelly was hauled away from practice in handcuffs and dismissed from the team yesterday, the battle to replace Tajh Boyd has gotten a lot less interesting.

For Kelly, who has a long history of bizarre behavior, this was long overdue.

- Here is friend of the DudeYouPodcast Brandi Mills playing “Chad Kelly or Kanye West Tweet?” on the Garnet and Black Attack podcast in January (FF to 40:18).

- Prior to his arrival in Auburn-with-a-lake, he called out (the now starter) Cole Stoudt on Twitter: “Your on the bench for a reason. And i come soon! Just letting you know.”

Unfortunately, his Twitter account has been deleted in light of yesterday’s news.

- He has a rap song. Called Chad Kelly. Do yourself a favor and listen.

While Kelly is by far the most interesting story in play here, this really may spell trouble for Clemson. True freshman DeShaun Watson broke his collarbone last week. Ranked the #1 dual-threat QB in the country by 247sports, he was expected to contend for a starting job immediately. Kelly’s whipping boy, the 5th-year senior Stoudt, has played the backup role for the past 3 years but, ya know, was getting pushed by two guys 3 and 4 years his junior. He has a career line of 86/119, 742 yards, 8 TD’s, and just one pick.

Those numbers look terrific until you dive in a little deeper, and see that most of his 2013 work came against South Carolina State and Wake Forest (NOTE: NOT JUGGERNAUTS). The only other QB on the roster is former Grayson (I think that’s in Atlanta!) QBNick Schuessler, a walk-on whose only stats at Clemson are of the Spring Game variety.

While Stoudt is now the man, there seems to be a reason he was in an open competition with two younger guys.

Keyword: was.

Chad Kelly. Number 12. Swag. Under Armour All-American. Swag. Watch how I touch down (in the back of a cop car).


The Belated 2014 BARVES Preview

Welcome to 2014, a strange time where Jason Heyward is the longest-tenured Atlanta Brave at 24 years old. Brian McCann is lecturing people about playing baseball ‘the right way’ in pinstripes. Tim Hudson pitched 7 2/3 scoreless innings for the Giants last night. And Dan Uggla has only struck out once in three games.

Strange days indeed, as the 2014 Atlanta Braves promise to be the most #BARVES team in a recent history of #BARVES-ing.

What is #BARVES-ing, you ask? It can be so many things. The Atlanta Braves have a history of doing the inexplicable on both the positive and negative side. Backing up a 14-run outing by getting shut out on two hits. Batting B.J. Upton second. Being unbeatable in June and pathetic in October. Winning 96 games with two guys making outs 5 out of every 6 tries. More or less, #BARVESING is being ironically unpredictable. Learn to embrace chaos, and expect the unexpected.

So yes, this is the most #BARVES team ever.

- We’re in year two of the Up-Up-and-J-Hey outfield, and…B.J. Upton is batting second. Fredi Gonzalez putting together a lineup card: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Heyward is not a traditional leadoff man in any sense of the word, and the team would be better served by putting him in a run-producing spot. Through three games, he has demonstrated why he is such a unique and valuable player, driving in the first two runs of the season (14 innings in– #BARVES!) and preventing two hits with matching sliding catches in the 1-0 win Thursday.

As for Justin Upton, I don’t care to look up the numbers since his 12-homer April of 2013, but they can’t be great. He is capable of being the best hitter on this team, but seems to want to match his older brother in enigmatic-ness. Because, you know, #BARVES.

- People say that there’s nothing fun about watching baseball besides hitting, and the Braves have a cure for that for at least the next 7 seasons. His name: Andrelton Simmons. (Yes, the video is 26 minutes long. I’m aware.)

- The Braves have an issue with keeping pitchers’ elbows intact, as the starting rotation looked like this a month ago:

1. Kris Medlen

2. Julio Teheran

3. Mike Minor

4. Brandon Beachy

5. Alex Wood.

Ummm, that is no longer an accurate portrayal of the pitching staff, as a guy named David Hale is pitching at Washington tonight, and Aaron “I kinda look like Droopy Dog” Harang took a no-hitter into the 7th inning in Milwaukee.






Currently, the Braves are trotting out a rotation of Teheran/Wood/Droops/the aforementioned Hale. There is not a 5th starter, because nobody is healthy enough. Mike Minor is recovering from offseason urethra surgery (ouch). Although he is not a savior, one has to applaud Frank Wren backing up a GARDA truck to Ervin Santana, who should be ready to pitch for the Braves by next week. And then there’s Gavin Floyd, whose jersey I may have to buy because forgettable players with my surname are rare.

- The bullpen was the MASH unit of the team last year, but the guys who survived turned out to be pretty good. Not many teams can match Luis Avilan/David Carpenter/Craig Kimbrel as a lefty/righty/closer combo, and no team can match Craig Kimbrel.

- Freddie Freeman seems to be the one guy who is immune to #BARVES-ing. OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?


The Braves are not a World Series team this year, with no pitching depth and a lineup capable of striking out 25 times in a night against the right pitching staff. They will be at once infuriating and inspiring. Unfortunately, the injuries to Medlen and Beachy force Julio Teheran to become an ace before he is ready, and Alex Wood to become a #2, which he may never be. All of this with a lineup that will give 1000 plate appearances to Dan Uggla and B.J. Upton.

Best-case, the Braves eke out a Wild Card berth with 88-90 wins, and go full #BARVES on a playoff run where the lineup starts mashing and the young pitchers go all Maddux/Glavine/Smoltz on us.

Worst-case: more injuries, more chaos, and perhaps protests and riots centered around the Braves’ move to Cobb County.

Your 2014 Atlanta BARVES, ladies and gentlemen. Enjoy them, but don’t become attached. Celebrate their wins, but don’t sing their praises. Go BARVES.





Georgia Bulldogs Recruiting: Is Mark Richt’s New Recruiting Tactic a Rip-Off?

In a word…YES!

Lost in the hullabaloo of these little portraits Richt has been sending to recruits is the fact that HE STOLE THE IDEA FROM ME!

When I was in a heated recruiting battle over the internship services of Chad Floyd last summer, I sent him this.  I think the picture speaks for itself.


Real original, Richt.

Real original, Richt.



That’s all I got/


Offseason: Which True Detective Character is Your SEC Fan Base?

I love Buzzfeed Quizes. I love how there are so many. I love how often people share them on Facebook. I love finding out which state you should be from, what Disney Princess you would be, and what character on [insert anything with characters ever made circa 1990] you are. It’s so much fun for all of us.


Actually this isn’t quite a quiz per se. It’s an observational quiz in which I answer a single question in my brain and then lump you (along with your entire cohort of fellow fans) into a category. Seems fair to me. In this case, the category is True Detective characters and the question is as follows:

Which True Detective character is your SEC fan base?

[Quick Note: You’re going to get pissed if you’re not Cohle or Marty. Stop that. Everyone on this show sucks in their own way. Still, sorry to all of you that I piss off (I'M NOT SORRY. SO MUCH QUIZ. VERY WOW.)]

Let’s do it:


Charlie Lange – Mississippi State

Hail State

You are from the backwoods. No one can understand what the hell you are saying. You were involved in some shady dealings and got caught (I see you Kenny Powers). We also know as soon as we see you that you will not play much of a part in this story. Except when you randomly do in the most unexpected ways.


Maisie Hart – Vanderbilt

I miss Coach Franklin…

You’re perfect. You’re smart. But you don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.


Audrey Hart – Arkansas

If it’s any consolation this character goes from the back of a car with two guys to a seemingly decent life. Maybe there’s hope for you too?


Steve Geraci – Missouri

Where did you come from Mizzou?

We had kinda sorta heard of you early on in the story. But you were mainly drunk and pretty pointless. Then all of a sudden you were like the damn main character. What’s the deal? Who are you? Where did all of your success come from? I’m suspicious because you seem so darn nice…


Ginger – Ole Miss

You are white, extremely prone to mob mentality, and have a history of some pretty serious racism. Almost all of that racist what-not came with religious undertones. You have some serious clout right now, but you tend to screw things up in the end (cf. Dr. Bo’s fumble).


Lisa – Kentucky     

You serve no other purpose than ruining things for everyone else. Especially for Marty (see below).


Reggie Ledoux – LSU

You saw this one coming too. You use “x” in a way that no one on earth really understands. Moreover, you’re crazy and your craziness manifests itself as aggression. You also absolutely know someone who does one or both of the following: 1.) cooks crystal 2.) lives in shack on the bayou. Bonus points if you know someone who does both of those things. Not saying you’re terrible. You mean a lot to the story, and everyone wants to understand you. But, well, if we let you hang around too long (and drink enough) you’re likely to do some messed up stuff.


Beth – South Carolina

[couldn't find an image that was appropriate]

Things really sucked for you in the early days. Like really really really really sucked. But then you found the right guy via the right amount of money and things are better now. Sure you try to entice everyone with naked photos (see Spurrier “thrust” dot gif) and offers of kinky sex (why do you always play on Thursday nights?) but in the end you’re not a main character and no one ever expects you not to be anything other than a ticking dumpster bomb.


Billy Lee Tuttle – Auburn

We’re pretty sure you were into some pretty shady shit (Cam, Real Sports). But no one ever really caught you for it. Since that time you have gained lots of power and influence. And that makes most of us hate you.


Maggie – Florida

You are as good a character as your marriages. You had a great one to begin with that ran its course (Spurrier). Then one that was just about money and success (Meyer). There was that time in between those two that you did something you really regret (Zook), but all in all you are a key character. As much as I wanted to say you were the lady the Killer was banging I just can’t. You’re better than that. But we don’t respect you as much as we used to (Muschamp).


Errol/Yellow King? – Alabama

Come on, now. You saw this one coming. Anything involving incest, psychosis, and a desire for your crazy ass obsession to turn you into some sort of deified legend obligates me to equate that with Bama. Sorry.


Marty – Tennessee

You are so convinced you are good. Like so convinced. And maybe you are. For a moment. But then you’re back to banging stenographers or contemplating having anal sex with a former trailer park hooker (cf. buttchuging). You also tend to rage out a lot man. I mean why are you so angry all the time? You’re a big deal. You don’t have to prove it all the time. You can turn it around. But you seem so unable to get out of your own way. We love you. We want you to do good things. But we know better.


Cohle – Texas A&M

This one is exactly what you think it is. You’re the most interesting character in this story. But your inability to stop drinking or to just stop in general will be your undoing. Or will it perhaps make you even better than before? We don’t know. Because this is the last season we get to watch you.


Det. Papania – Georgia

Yes, UGA fans this is us. Here’s how I got here. We’re pretty much a nice guy but we do dumb shit all the time that gets in our way. More accurately, we make really stupid EARLY MOVES (smoke pot, boat under the influence, etc.) that bar us from any of the glory at the end. We have the killer fall in our laps only to get directions from him and drive away. Will we finish strong? Oh yeah. Will we get the killer? Nope, nope, nope. But we will show up at the crime scene and people will be like, “Man, I wonder what that guy is gonna do NEXT season.”


Georgia Bulldogs Football: Cornerback U?

The cornerback position in Athens is quite crowded all of a sudden.  Don’t misread me: I’m not necessarily saying the cornerback position is great, much improved or even a half-step better for the Dawgs.  I don’t know that yet.  But I do know this: It’s crowded.

When last season ended Georgia seemed to have two serviceable cornerbacks: Damian Swann and Shaq Wiggins.  Brendan Langley started a few games before largely disappearing (except for in the absence of Wiggins on occasion).  Devin Bowman played some snaps.  But this was a two man race for two spots.

Now, Jeremy Pruitt’s arrival and his ensuing insistence on open competition has created a bit of drama.  Langley, by most accounts, is poised to start opposite of Swann.  This means Wiggins, arguably Georgia’s most aggressive corner, is resigned to backup and nickel packages – in theory.  Meanwhile, J.J. Green who showed his athleticism as a running back in 2013 is making a name for himself as a corner.  Hell, he led the team in tackles in the first scrimmage last Saturday.

If Green’s performance and Langley’s leap-frogging of Wiggins tell us anything, it may be this: Georgia has a crowd at cornerback.  And for a unit that struggled mightily in 2013 but is not under the tutelage of an up-and-coming secondary coach who happened to be a part of the past three BCS National Champions…a crowd is a good thing to have.

I wrote a little bit about this position battle over at Bleacher Report, but the position battle is only part of the story.  The plot will thicken when we see how well that crowd develops.  I’d love to see Pruitt establish Georgia as Cornerback U.


That’s all I got/



Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 32,088 other followers

%d bloggers like this: